I guess it's really over.
Posted on: Monday, March 10, 2008
Posted at: 10:51 AM
I have so much to do... ;
- delete my wallpaper
- clean my room, from all the pictures I stick under my bed.
- delete the photos in my profile
- reset my password in every site I log in to
- wash my heart with Clorox or some shit
- clean my mind, I can't afford to think about you 3/4 of my day anymore
- clean up my computer files
- delete my messages in my phone
- delete the songs you used to send me from iTunes
I can't believe I've been so stupid, so naive, so... emotionless. I've been so blind, why...? I should've known you're gonna leave me, you'd stop caring about me. Have I been doing this wrongly...? What is it? Tell me... You've always hidden things from me, and I respect your privacy, I do... But this time, I have to know. There's so many things I wanna tell you but everytime it comes to writing it down, I can't do it, I can't tell why. You've been so nice to me. I wonder why.
I remember the day we first talked. You're so funny. Out of no where you came and said Hiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!!!!!! Shocker much. Well, I just went with the flow, I didn't know you had problems... When I knew... I wanted to help so much. I helped too much and... I started falling for your sillyness. Oh GOD, I was so damn afraid you'd find out. And on Saturday night, 7.30 PM, Channel V : Kenangan terindah - Samsons, I recieved an SMS from... Yeah you guess it, him. He told me to turn on my TV and turn to Channel [V]. My goodness, I was so in love with that song at that time. He typed down that lyrics and sent it to me. And... he told me that he really likes me and he wants to be my boyfriend. *faints* Imagine my reaction please. I almost screamed my head off. but... He wasn't the only one. Out of all 4, I chose him. I swear that wasn't a mistake. I never regreted that day, my actions.
"I promise, I'll love you forever..."
I've been too naive, I should've listened to you. You wanted this so much and now, here you go, I'm giving it to you. You wanted it to be over so much. So wanted the pain to go away so badly. There... It's over, it doesn't hurt anymore, does it? If you're ever reading this, I want you to think back, all the times we've quarreled, all the times we almost broke up and all the times we actually broke up. You wanted it. You wanted it so much. The 1st, 2nd and 3rd time, here's the last... I'm telling myself, you're my first and last. I can't be daing this, I don't wanna get hurt anymore. I've been hurt by you and that's it. I'm done with everything. I'm only left with 1 quarter of myself in me. I can survive... I believed you. I had faith in you, I put my heart in your hands and thought I'd be safe. I'd always been prepared for other things that tried to break us up, your friends, our parents but it has never crossed my mind that you'd do this. You promised, what happened?
What happened...?
I'm sorry, mai tong bauk laew waa thur ruk chun, because I don't want to hear it anymore... It wouldn't be the same anymore.
It's the way we've loved, like it's forever. There aren't any happy endings in relationships like this, our age, our lives, just US. There can't be any true love either, if you've really loved me, you'd wait for me even though it takes you your lifetime. We can't be freiand anymore because I'm scared of you, Dro. I don't want anything to happen to me anymore. I don't want anyone else to hurt me. We have to go our separate ways. Go through our lives without each other, and when there's something wrong, we have to stop thinking bout each other and just stay strong.
The things I'd miss without you here... ;
- the way you laugh
- the way you tell me jokes I don't get
- the way you used to call me dear
- the way you sing to me at night till I fall asleep
- the way you act as my life pain killer
- the way you talk to me on the hphone, feeling so far away
- the way you made me blush and I'll deny it
- the way you leave the phone on just to hear me sleep although I don't make a sound
"I have to get away, there's no point in thinkin about yesterday, it's too late now, it will never be the same..."
"Baby, I love you, why did you let me go? Yes it hurts me but I still want you to know, all the love we made can never be erased and I promised you that you will never be replaced."
Monday ; 100308