I hate it when I'm alone. I feel like I've got no friends and that I'm hated by so many people. I hate this feeling. It feels funny. It feels... Weird, you know? You knw what else feels weird? The thought of you not being good enough for a person you really care about, or maybe just a randomer that you don't even know his freegin name.

Am I not good enough? If only I have a mind of a guy, I'd know. What is it...? Should I change? Should I just be myself...? But you don't even notice me. You don't because there's so many other fishes in the sea. Am I ordinary...? I don't do predictable things, do I? Maybe I'm predictable in a way that I complain that I'm hungry every 7 minutes, or or maybe I whine alot about how things are so crappy even when they're not. But... I'm not predictable in any other way. Even guys that I fall for, they're not the kind that you can PREDICT.

I feel like I'm blind. Don't know why what the fudge but I just think I'm blind. Is it me...? Or is what I'm seeing real? I think, they don't love me for who I am. I suck at being myself because I'm good at altering myself so people would like me for what they want to like. It's just like... Mathematics, Linear Equation? It's simple. I wanna make both sides equal, so you alter one side, and then you alter the other. I'm blabbing. Anyway, I'm random.

I AM RANDOM. I'm not such an inspiring kinda person but you know, I'm easily influenced. I fall for someone easily, blame me for falling too deep but I feel horrible about myself. I don't get what I want, I DO get what I need, yes I do, but is it wrong to just WANT something or someone so badly? I'd give away anything for a scond chance. I'm not such a desperate person, honestly, I'm not at all. I just... This particular case. It just gets to me. It feels like my whole world's upside down, and I'm not even strong enough to fight half of it.

I'm not good at lying, but I'm good at pretending, I admit. But... I only do so because I want it to be... I want it to be TRUE. I'm scared, I'm stupid because I'm scared of reality and my future. I always think, "Oh my goodness, what the hell am I gonna do now?".

I'm pouring my heart out, and yet, I feel like nobody cares. I'm sorry, I trust you all alot, but... What if it's too much? I know what you're thinking... "Now you know how I felt, when I trusted you so much, look what you did to me". I love you, and you. But... I'm so afraid of losing you. I'm not insecure, I'm just scared. You're my everything, and I'm sorry that you are my everything.

p/s : You know you you all are, xoxo.